“A sub needs to feel wanted. A Dom wants to feel needed.”



I came across this image on Tumblr the other day, and it struck a chord with me. I imagine it is in many ways an oversimplification if one takes it as the grand summary of submission and domination, but I find it intriguing nonetheless.

There were many instances in both my past relationships where simply feeling wanted by my former Dom or my significant other was the most wonderful, glorious thing in the world. And feeling unwanted or just not significantly wanted was one of the negative thoughts (and often, I am quite certain, an incorrect perception) that I battled when the busyness of life and such prevented us from pursuing certain intimacies or even spending much time together. I have realised now, and I certainly wish I’d realised it sooner, how much it does mean to dominants (and from what I’ve read and experienced, even more so with Daddy-Doms) to feel needed, to be relied upon, to be sought out for comfort and guidance. (I don’t have experience nor have I done significant research into other dynamics, so I’m refraining from speculation – there are many lovely readers who could comment with much more meaning on this than I.)

But at the same time, it means a great deal to me as a submissive to feel needed as well. Not sexually per se, but to know that I am not only a significant part of my Dom’s life but that the role I play is a meaningful and helpful one. That what I do and how I serve makes a difference. And I would imagine a dominant-type would want to feel wanted too.

So I’m curious about people’s thoughts and experiences regarding this. Does this connect with your own experience? Does this reflect what you, as a dominant-type or submissive-type or switch, seek within your preferred role? Not necessarily to prove or disprove the initial quotation, I’m just highly intrigued now and want to see if there is a particular emphasis for some people?


3 thoughts on ““A sub needs to feel wanted. A Dom wants to feel needed.”

  1. Jason says:

    I’d certainly say that I need to feel needed. I’m not very clear on the difference between “wanted” and “needed” though … unless “wanted” is much milder, but I doubt that’s what you meant.


    • Belle says:

      I tend to think of ‘want’ being based on desire but not necessity; ‘need’ being based primarily on necessity, but not to the exclusion of desire. I’m not sure what the original author of this meant, but it has made me think that perhaps I have underestimated or been unaware of how important it is to at least some dominant-types to feel needed.


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