I actually postponed writing on here for a day because I didn’t feel I was up to communicating with people well, and being extroverted, etc….and it took until now to remember that was not the point of this blog ever, and I don’t get to use that as an excuse to not write.
It’s kind of freeing to get to remind myself that I don’t have to be coherent or write anything that I think is going to be notably meaningful to someone else, that I just need to write for me. At the same time, taking away that reason to not communicate, that my reserve of extroverted capability has run out completely (and since this is the first day in two weeks that I have not had to force myself into extroversion at all, limits have indeed been reached) is so, so, so good for me.
One, because it keeps me from falling into this pattern of thinking where my well-being is dependent on my ability to be extroverted. Which is silly, considering how thoroughly introverted I am and how important I know alone time, quiet time is. But I have been told my entire life by several well-meaning and wonderful people, who were nevertheless quite incorrect, that to be healthy, to be well, to be successful I had to: spend more time with friends; go out more; go do something; get out there and experience life (this one drives me a bit crazy – life doesn’t get experienced at home, where I already am? like the fresh air argument – there is air inside, plus: windows); meet new people (oh my gosh no); ‘you have to come to this massive church conference that will be attended by thousands of people’ (dear Lord, take me now); you should keep yourself busy; make sure you volunteer lots; if there’s a need, you should fill it; you should be more involved in church; you should be more involved in the community; you should be more involved in your school…
No. Hush your lovely, well-meaning, wonderful faces.
All of these people are very bad at math. Because there are 7 days in the week. I work at least 5 of those days, usually I work 6 out of my home, and the 7th I work from home. I have schoolwork from grad school, okay, this is not the grade 4 science fair. I have church Sunday mornings, Bible study once a week with this beautiful group of ladies whom I love to bits and pieces. I socialise and volunteer via both of those, with other volunteer activities throughout the month for my church. I have my home to care for. I socialise via all those things and get together with my Mom and various friends at least 5 times a month, so I get my one-on-one visiting in. I have my bunnies to care for (which will be changing as of next Saturday because they are going to a new home, and that’s a bit sad but also okay because the timing is good). Oh right, and me.
My gosh, that standard of ‘you aren’t doing okay unless you’re extroverting so we can see’ is a bit too ingrained in me.
Went way off on that rabbit trail. That was fun.
Two, it keeps me from letting communication be limited to extroverted means. What I mean is this: sometimes we can communicate with other people in a way that is comfortable for an introvert (and for me, the supreme comfort zone is this, this blog right here) without. feeling. guilty. Because I was wired this way. It is not a sin to do what you were made to do, and in the way you were made to do it. Does that mean I will never have a conversation over the phone? Of course not. But it does mean that I am going to savour every single moment that I don’t have to be on the phone, and that I reserve phone calls for when they are absolutely worth it. And honestly, most of the phone calls I get are not. Text is a wonderful thing, lovelies. Oh what a time to be alive…
I don’t have much else to say other than this:
I got to sleep today until I woke up. Without. An. Alarm.
I legitimately cannot remember the last time I got to do that. I know I didn’t do it this last summer, so it was either around Christmastime last year or we’re back to the summer before that. It’s already been a glorious day, and I’ve been up like…two hours. My mind is stuck on a repeat of the Hallelujah Chorus.
So it’s an introvert day. I am sporadically replying to messages, when I feel like it. And I’m reading, and it’s wonderful. And I had breakfast food in the afternoon, and that was wonderful. And I get to spend time with my Dom this evening, and that’s always wonderful. After this week, I needed a little bubble of wonderful.