Elated

My Dom is back. I don’t know that I have ever been this relieved.

I had been mentally preparing myself to dig in for a few more weeks, possibly, having no idea when he’d be able to come back. And then Monday, out of the blue, when I least expected it (well, maybe not least), there he was. I was at work at the time so that was an interesting exercise in acting normal and not crying when I read and answered his messages.

And he said the exact words that I knew he would with that first message. That was a good message.

It wasn’t until I got home that evening that I let it fully hit me. I cried. But it was a good cry.

Then I cried a little more just seeing his online status when I logged into Skype.

Part of me feels slightly ridiculous. The rest of me keeps reminding that part of me of how I thought he might be lying dead somewhere, and fuck no that is not an overreaction.

The last few days leading up to his return, I have felt fairly at peace. There are a lot of details which I’m not going to divulge here because it isn’t my story to tell. But I will say that this whole experience for both my significant other and myself has genuinely grown our faith. Hence the peace I felt, and continue to feel. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the kind of ‘peace’ where nothing matters, I haven’t a care in the world, nothing will ever go wrong – I have concerns, I am in some ways still on high alert, I have every intention of doing whatever I can (within reason) to ensure this never happens again. But even with those worries, I am not worried. I am not owned by my worry. Which is kind of a big deal.

I have a better understanding of God’s faithfulness, I think. Which I would love to write about more, but I need some sleep before that happens. I’ve got catch-up to do with work too, so that may not happen until this weekend (sorry! good news is after the next two weeks, I have whole chunks of my schedule thinned out, and I am so excited!!! Writing time! Reading time! Nap time! Cuddle time, hopefully! Time to enjoy the new box of tea I bought and totally forgot about! But I digress!)

And perhaps I am still somewhat in shock, that’s possible (particularly after re-reading the above paragraph). My stress level has dropped and I’m kind of wiped still, but I’m enjoying my Dom being back. I rather wish my schedule would be more cooperative so we could talk more, but I’m working on being patient too.

So thank you with all my heart to everyone for their encouragement and support, all the advice, everyone who took any amount of time to send a message or pray or check in on me. Thank you. I am incredibly blessed. You all were who and what I needed when I needed you, and I am thoroughly honoured and grateful by every single one of you. Seriously.

God is good. Really, really good.

But I have to keep reminding myself to not stop the good habits that I started during those two and a half-ish weeks. I need to not stop praying. I need to not stop being purposeful and consistent with self-care. I need to not stop writing here because this is actually helpful. I need to not let myself forget what it felt like to almost lose my Dom – not in a dwelling in negativity kind of way, but in a deeply appreciative and savouring every moment we’re given kind of way.

So, I feel like I haven’t really taken it all in yet, or really taken a breath. I don’t know, it’s all good, really good, better than I could have hoped for, but I just don’t think it’s quite all sunk in yet and I don’t have time to speculate as to why just yet.

Gotta save something interesting for later in the week ;o)

For now, I need to use the sleep.

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