A Few Rough Days

So I  figured on Saturday my Dom had just gotten busy and was unable to get back online. We’d had a brief but nice chat, and I was hoping we could talk decently later. Nothing was wrong. Everything was wonderful, for the first time in a while.

There wasn’t any message the next morning. That was fine, I can entirely understand needing a break from chat. I thought maybe we’d email a bit that day.

Nothing. Which was weird. But I told myself maybe he had a lot to deal with and just couldn’t.

Monday still no reply. And we were supposed to spend time together and enjoy some Canadian Thanksgiving stuff because we haven’t had much chance to just be together lately. And he didn’t come online at all.

So then I knew something was wrong. 99% sure it wasn’t something I did, because even if we’re arguing we don’t go that long without messaging. When he needs a break and to tend to offline stuff he has always at least logged on to let me know.

There has still been no word.

I have tried contacting some of his family, but they’re away so I haven’t heard back yet. A mutual friend hasn’t heard from him either. I’ve asked the one neighbour whose contact info I have to check to make sure he’s okay but haven’t heard anything back.

And I just am trying to not freak out. I’m praying a lot. I’m doing my best to keep the faith, to trust God to take care of him and to not be anxious and afraid (to not act on that, I still feel it, I am just attempting to not follow it into misery). Every little sound my phone makes causes my heart to leap and I scramble to check. Nothing. I’m hoping for the best and trying not to think the worst, that something bad has happened.

I’m terrified. And I just miss him. More than I ever have missed anyone, I miss my significant other and I just want to talk to him and know he’s alive and okay. I don’t want this to be it, I want to be able to hug him again, I just want more time with him.

I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what is an overreaction or an invasion of privacy at this point. I just want him back. My heart aches so much and I am only just managing to keep from crying at work (this is healthy). But what else can I do except wait and hope and pray?

I am open to suggestions. From anyone. I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle this without help. And I don’t really know how to help when I don’t know what’s going on… I just want to crawl into bed and cry and sleep until he comes back.

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